11 step survival guide to northern season without skiing or boarding

sand skiing

Maybe you were trying to save money. Maybe you didn’t have enough annual leave. Maybe, in a fit of goodwill, you agreed to go on holiday to somewhere tropical to appease your long-suffering significant other.

But for whatever reason, you didn’t book a ski trip to Japan/North America/Europe for the upcoming Northern Hemisphere season, and now you are seeing the snow start to fall as and you are feeling some deep regrets.

Friends: I feel you. I recently moved back to Australia after spending the last five winter seasons living in Canada and Japan, vowing that I was tired of the snow for the moment, dreaming of my future professional surf career. One month in and I am already experiencing extreme FOMO as I look down the barrel of a long summer that features absolutely no ski time.

Here are my suggested coping mechanisms if you’re in the same (very warm) boat as I am.

1. Delete Instagram (and all other relevant social media platforms)

Out of sight, out of mind (or at least mostly out of mind). Nothing good is going to come from you watching your friends as they enjoy their holidays in Niseko or Mammoth or Chamonix. You’ll just end up crying/hating them as they post Instagram stories of giant fat flakes falling outside their chalet windows with wanky captions like, “waking up to just a little bit of snow today!!” 

If you really can’t bear to delete Instagram, just be sure to remove all your snow-loving friends (explain that it’s not personal, it’s for your own mental health and wellbeing purposes, they have to understand that), along with all snow forecast websites and ski resorts. Keep the people that only ever go on holiday to Bali/only ever post pictures of brunch/only ever put up stories of their dogs doing cute things.

Nat in better, happier, snowier times.

2. Take up a fun summer activity and forget your ski self ever even existed

Pretend like you never even loved skiing and/or snowboarding.

Try to think of your past ski holidays/seasons in the same way that you think about that old high school friend who moved to London; you know they went, and you know they might still be there, but you never bothered to learn any of the exact details or recall anything they told you about the experience.

And, even though you sometimes still cry yourself to sleep at night when remembering the crunch of fresh snow under your feet, try and learn to love again. Paddle-boarding, anyone? Touch football? I hear sea kayaking is kinda fun?

3. Try to ski and snowboard anyway – say what?

Make like Candide Thovex and head for your nearest grassy slope or sand dune with your snow gear in tow. You may not be quite as successful, but at least you tried.

4. Bulk buy the fake snow that is sold in shops at Christmastime and turn your backyard into a club field

Just wait until Boxing Day, when it all goes on sale, and then buy up big. Who needs a real club field when you have a backyard full of fake snow? Better yet, turn up the air-conditioning and turn your lounge room into a winter wonderland, complete with the brrrrr-I’m-freezing factor.

5. Work on your goggle tan

Summer = heat. Heat = going outside and spending time in bodies of water in an attempt to cool down. If you’re really dedicated to your goggle tan, now is the ultimate time to get a serious headstart for next year’s Southern Hemisphere winter – just be sure to pack your goggles when you’re heading to the beach, or have them handy while hanging out by the pool. Slot in the right lens and they can even replace your regular sunglasses.

6. Buy a shit ton of Zooper Doopers (and eat them) in an effort to feel as cold as possible

zooperdooper
This is how many you need.

Who needs snow when you can just stock up on ice blocks?! Opening your freezer to get one first thing in the morning is just like walking out of your condo onto the slopes and getting smacked in the face with a wave of cold air. Delicious (and they’re cheap too – much cheaper than an actual ski holiday).

7. Book your next ski holiday 

Summer is a great time to stay indoors and research early bird deals for upcoming seasons. Maybe put a little vision board together while you get in touch with people to rope them in for future ski holidays. Queenstown 2018? Colorado 2019? Let’s be real – you won’t be making this mistake again, so you may as well start planning now.

8. Get as fit as humanly possible for that next ski trip

Once you’re all booked in, you may as well do what you’re always promising yourself you’ll do – get super, insanely, how-did-they-get-that-fit levels of fit for your next trip. The kind of fit where your leg muscles are sculpted out of stone and you can enter actual planking competitions at the gym.

The kind of fit where you’ll be out-lasting everyone else on the slopes, skiing from first chair from last chair without ever complaining of exhaustion or leg burn. The kind of fit where you’ll be hiking up from chairlifts to get to the best terrain, carrying your skis on your shoulder without a single complaint.

None of the above is in my personal future, but it could definitely be in yours. (If you actually want to attempt this, you can find a whole lot of Fit2Ski goodness here.)

9. Drink

And feel free to get pretty merry, because it’s not like you have to get up in the morning to catch first chair.

10. Enter every ski holiday competition you can find on the Internet

Because you never know when life might smile upon you and gift you with an all-inclusive trip to the coolest ski destination on the planet – or, at the very least, a beanie or a helmet or some ski socks. Y

ou can start by entering our Snowvember competition, where a prize is given away daily for the entire month of November, and there’s some seriously good swag there… heli-ski day in Mt Cook, anyone?

11. Apologise profusely to your credit card and book a last-minute ski trip

Paying it off is a problem for future you, right? #sorrycreditcard #butnotsorry

How are you coping with the lack of snow in your life at the moment?

Natalia is an Australian writer, content creator and communications specialist who's spent the last few years in Canada and Japan. Equally obsessed with the sea and the snow, you can usually find her dreaming - and writing - about one of the two.

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